Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

How do I identify fake friends in life?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand how hurricane paths work

Why is my Whirlpool fridge not cooling but the freezer works? What is the solution?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Who writes and reads novels nowadays?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I can read

What should a young woman do to control sagging breasts?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I actually pay taxes

I don’t buy bullshit

What has been your best sexual experience?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

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I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t cotton to rapists

Summer here, the one who debunks atheism. Isn’t it funny how atheists always say they prefer a “no-nonsense, evidence-based approach” to understanding the world, but when I bring up logical arguments for theism, they suddenly clam up?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Cher’s son Elijah Blue Allman hospitalized after drug overdose: report - Page Six

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Why do British people always write "xxx" after their names?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Can you write a poem or short story based on the first image that shows up on Pinterest?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

What are your darkest taboo confessions?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

How did it feel when experiencing gay sex for the first?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Why is Eric Clapton so roundly disliked among guitarists?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I have complete contempt for fakery

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I see through liars

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I can count

I have a reading level above third grade

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality